you're listening to the radio, do you ever stop to think about how
few songs are played by obese schizophrenic black musicians from the
streets of Chicago? I know that I think about this all of the
time. The airwaves are cluttered with alternative rock, rap, and
R&B; meanwhile, the "obese schizophrenic" musical
genre is severely underrepresented. That's why everyone should
start calling their local radio station and requesting songs by
Willis is 6 foot 5, weighs between 300 and 350 pounds, and
likes to greet people with a headbutt. Shortly after he
made his first album, he was diagnosed with chronic paranoid
schizophrenia, and he now claims to have "schizophrenia
demons" in his head that take him off of his
"harmony joy rides" to put him on "torture hell
Mozart of the
heard of Willis before? Until recently, no one had. He lived on the
streets of Chicago, homeless, selling his city landscape line
drawings and playing music on his late 80's Casio keyboard from
K-Mart. After saving for a while, he pulled together the money to
cut a few albums, and suddenly his musical career took off. Willis
was "discovered", and is now an artist under Dino Paredes
and the major record label American Recordings. He has released at
least 20 albums as a solo artist and with his punk rock band, the
Wesley Willis Fiasco, and has over 400 songs in circulation.
might think that fame and riches would have spoiled Willis, but this
isn't the case at all. The background music in nearly all of his
songs is still provided by the same demos on his Casio keyboard. You
may find it rather lazy of him to use the keyboard's built-in music,
but this isn't the case either -- Willis makes sure to press the
"fill-in" button at regular intervals. Besides, the focus
of Willis' compositions is not on the cheesy synth music, but on the
lyrics. Just so that you can get an idea of Willis' lyrical genius,
let's take a look at the words to one of his most popular songs,
are a rockin' maniac.
You are a singin' hyena.
You are a rock star in Jesus' name.
You can really rock Sadam Hussein's ass.
You are so lovable to me in the long run.
Wesley's latest album.
music has to be heard to be believed. That's why I suggest you
immediately visit this
page at CD-Now, where you can listen to samples
from many of his best songs, including "I Whupped
Batman's Ass", "The Chicken Cow", "Rock
and Roll McDonald's", and "I'm Sorry That I Got
Fat". If you'd like to hear more, you should purchase his
latest album, Fabian Road Warrior -- it
contains "Alanis Morissette" as well as 23 other
original compositions including the hit songs "Suck a
Cheetah's Dick", "Suck a Pitbull's Dick", and
"Suck a Donkey's Bootyhole".
may be a seven-hour bus ride away from Pittsburgh, but I wasn't
going to let that stop me from seeing Wesley Willis live in concert.
Ethan and Brendan weren't quite so enthused about the idea of a
weekend jaunt to Philadelphia, but they eventually agreed to go
along for the ride. After all, Ethan needed something to take
his mind off of his OS assignment, and Brendan needed to be dragged
away from Everquest for awhile.
Ethan and Brendan could scarcely contain their
excitement as they waited for the Greyhound bus.
missed two taxis that morning, Ethan came up with a new idea:
"Let's just go to Taco Bell, instead of
Philadelphia!" I countered with the suggestion that
we go to Taco Bell and then to Philadelphia, with
a stop at 7-11 on the way to pick up Slurpees and Corn Nuts.
This plan met with general approval, so several hours later we
found ourselves at the bus station downtown.
Wesley Willis was
playing at Nick's Upstairs, a tiny, crowded, smoke-filled bar one
story above Nick's Roast Beef Restaurant. We filed quickly
into the bar just before the bouncer returned from the bathroom.
Avoiding eye contact with the bartenders, we took up a spot next to
the stage and directed our attention to the eardrum-splitting
opening act, a band called "Stars Over Scars".
the opening band's CD, but I thought that their
noise-to-talent ratio was much too high. They had this
unpleasant habit of generating screeching feedback noises by
holding their electric guitars right next to the loudspeakers.
It wasn't long before the crowd began chanting "Wesley!
When your band opens for Wesley
Willis, that pretty much says it all.
feel the suspense mounting as Wesley Willis pushed his
enormous bulk through the dense crowd and climbed the stairs
to the stage. He sat down slowly at his keyboard, set
his book of lyrics on the music stand, shuffled the pages, and
selected a song. He regarded the page with careful
deliberation, frowning fixedly. He coughed, turned to
the next page in his book, and smiled. He checked the
settings on his keyboard, settled comfortably into his chair,
lifted his microphone to his lips, cleared his throat, and
waited until the audience was completely silent. The
tension in the air was electric.
YOUR ASS!" he shouted. "LICK MY ASS TOO!"
erupted into cheers.
plays, he regards the keyboard intently, his brow furrowed
deeply in intense concentration. He strikes each key
deliberately, methodically, forcefully, grinning when he finds
a chord progression of which he is particularly proud.
doesn't like taking requests. "Quit shouting those
rerun songs at me!" he exclaims. "I'm doing
what I want to do, and I don't care what you think you
that song 'Jesus is the Answer'!" suggests a fan from the
back of the bar.
up here on stage and play with my balls," suggests Willis
Much to our satisfaction, Wesley did play
one "rerun song": I
Whooped Batman's Ass.
bruise on Wesley's forehead is the product of years and years of
head butting. Head butting is Wesley's form of friendly
One woman asked
Wesley to write a song about her and perform it the next time he
came to Philadelphia. Wesley wrote down her full name, address
and phone number.
raaawh!" shouts Willis as he prepares for a
you pick me up from the airport?" Wesley asked the young
suppose I could do that, Wesley," she answered.
can I stay at your place for the night?"
Willis songs don't come cheaply.
you think of the song 'Lick a Bulldog's Nasty Asshole'?" Wesley
asked me as he autographed my CD.
was a great song, Mr. Willis!" I told him. "I
hadn't ever heard that one before!"
because I made it up special for the concert tonight," he
Wesley Willis really whips a bactrian camel's ass with a
I wish that Willis had written a song about a particular topic.
The other day, for instance, I found myself wishing that there was a
Wesley Willis song about slurpees. Now, thanks to a little CGI
magic, all of your Willis wishes can come true. Just type a
couple of words into the Wesley Willis Song Generator,
and out will come a brand new custom-tailored lyrical composition in
the style of Wesley Willis!